A Doula is a Best Friend to Moms and Their Partners

By Jeanette Mesite Frem

So, you’ve heard of a doula…a doula is your best friend during pregnancy, labor, birth and afterward.   Just why is it that our culture expects dads to be the ultimate support person during labor and birth when they’ve only been through this, ah, never?

A birth doula (pronounced doo-la) is a woman trained and experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to women and their partners during late pregnancy, labor, birth and the early postpartum period.  There are also postpartum doulas, who help new families in the first weeks after birth providing household help, advice with newborn care and feeding, and emotional support.

Why hire a birth doula?  There are definite benefits.  Research shows that birth doulas can have great effects on birth outcomes, such as shorter labors, fewer complications, reducing the risk of having a Cesarean birth, reducing the need for medication to speed up labor, and lowering the need for an epidural (especially if mom didn’t want one to start with anyway).  What’s probably most important is that parents who have a doula report greater satisfaction with their birth and suffer less from postpartum depression.  Also, babies born to doula-supported mothers have shorter hospital stays and fewer admissions to special care nurseries, and those babies also tend to breastfeed more easily*.

Does a doula replace mom’s partner?  Of course not—you are super-important to mom and the two of you need to talk honestly about what you both expect your role to be. Not every partner feels ready to “coach”…really, how can you coach the team to championship after just learning a bit about the game, so to speak.  Of course, you’ll find moms who say that their partner provided all they needed as labor support, but partners who have doulas with them can’t imagine not having their doula there.  One dad who had a doula with him at his baby’s birth said, “Going to a birth without a doula is like going to court without a lawyer”.  It’s such a personal decision–this person is going to be there for the duration of your labor and birth and be part of the biggest day of your life.  So, interview couples who have had a doula with them and ask them a lot of questions and then choose your doula carefully.  Just like with parenting, go with your gut feeling and remember that doulas don’t compete for business…we want to feel a connection with our clients just as much as we want them to connect with us.
What does a doula do?

A birth doula provides many services.  During late pregnancy, they get to know the couple by listening to their wishes for the birth, talking with partners about how they want to be involved, and they might also practice positions for labor and provide lots of helpful information.  Since preparing for a positive birth experience is based on knowledge and confidence, doulas provide a lot of suggestions and evidence-based information to help parents make informed decisions.  Even couples who take the best childbirth classes (like independent classes found at Mothers & Company) find that during the excitement and challenges of labor, they don’t remember everything they learned in class.

Because only babies know when they are coming, doulas are on-call “24/7” for a few weeks before and after the baby’s estimated due date.  Once mom thinks she’s in labor, she calls her doula and they talk about coping strategies for early labor.  Then, when mom needs extra help, the doula meets her either at home or at the hospital or birth center.

Doulas offer physical support during labor by massage, offering drinks or food, and suggesting and helping with various positions.  While partners are generally great at providing love and emotional support, a doula can add to that with her empathy and encouragement.  Doulas help partners figure out what they can do to help mom in various parts of labor, and doulas give them a break to sleep or eat, if mom says that’s okay, of course.

Doulas provide moms and their partners with continuous support throughout labor and birth (no shifts).  For example, if you’re in labor for more than 24-hours, your doula will be there with you from the time you decide you need her support in labor, until a couple hours after the baby’s birth.  And doulas only sleep if mom sleeps.

Many parents expect that nurses in hospitals will be providing them the necessary support in labor.  However, because of their clinical responsibilities, most nurses admit that they don’t have the time to support mothers in the way that partners and doulas can.  Nurses and doulas should be able to work well together since they have the same goal:  to support a mother and her partner to have a positive birth experience.

Doulas provide their services based on one flat fee.  Newer doulas charge less, but experienced doulas charge between $500-$1500 per birth, depending on where you are in the country.

What doesn’t a doula do?

Doulas cannot make medical recommendations, but they do discuss your concerns, suggest options, and ensure that you have the opportunity to ask questions and obtain accurate information before making decisions.  It’s important to realize that birth can be a time of transition and empowerment.  Being assertive about one’s wishes in birth is one of the first steps to becoming strong parents.

An informed pregnancy, a positive birth, a great beginning

Parents who have doulas with them frequently say that they felt like all of their questions were answered, they felt supported and they felt in charge of their birth experience.  And women who have doulas supporting them through pregnancy, birth and early postpartum say that they felt listened to, respected, cared for, and able to participate in decisions affecting her birth and her baby.

Every parent deserves a doula.  What a great way to start your new family—by feeling supported and making personal choices that will make your new phase of life even happier.

To find a doula, see www.dona.org or www.tolabor.org.  If you’re in Central/MetroWest Massachusetts, feel free to contact Jeanette Mesite Frem directly at jeanette@maternitycircle.com or via phone at 617.686.0052.  Jeanette appears in the DVD “Being Dad”; she is a childbirth educator, birth doula, breastfeeding counselor, mother of two and served as “executive momma” of Mothers & Company, a maternity and parenting store/community center in Central Massachusetts from 1997-2011.

* Compiled from Mothering the Mother, by MH Klaus, JH Kennell, and PH Klaus; Addison Wesley Publishing Company, 1993.